For Ben and Alyce

Not Without Harm

She was going

shrinking back, way back

into a small black ball

behind her face

far from waking or smiling

too far to answer what

or open her eyes

to see

too far to ever come back

I could see it

the tiny hard ball

feel the cold rush of terror

as I called her name

shouted her name Alyce Alyce

can you open your eyes?

can you wake up Alyce?

They stood leaning on the wall

down in the nurse's snack room

drawing coffee from a machine

chatting laughing quietly unaware

that Alyce who did not want coffee

or soda or water or mother

was going to sleep

It's nighttime, he said, the male

nurse who knew everything,

the normal time for sleeping

but six hours after coming up

she cannot hear me I said can't

wake up respond see me

it took work but

I made them come and look

Alyce, they said

no answer

Alyce they yelled no answer

still it's night he said

Jerry

his voice calm for me

but I saw him

I saw everything

he shot a look at the other nurse

the woman

six hours after Alyce

became his charge he turned

the dial on the Imed

Gemini PC-1 to flow

then hooked up the oxygen

and her face began to pink.

* * *

To Ben and Alyce,

This is part of Alyce's story. Public here, but for you to remember, Alyce, and for you to know, Ben, because she has a history and a knowledge of some suffering. This was from when she was in the back seat of John Weatherby's car, riding home from school. He ran a stop sign and they were hit. That accident is why she has a plate in her arm and a slight limp and the first marks of cuts on her beautiful face.

I remember her friend Lisa coming to the hospital to see Alyce. A short visit. Lisa came out weeping. I remember questions and fears from other friends and from her family.

I say Alyce has been through some hard stuff, but she is someone you can't keep down. She goes on. And she is a happy person. I have begun to think you and she were supposed to find each other--with a little help from Karen. I am glad for you both and want you always to be good to each other. Always look out for each other. Happy Valentine's Day.