My brother . . .

. . . Sterling called this morning.

Me: Hi, Ster.
Ster: Hi, Sis. How are you?
Me: I'm good. How about you?
S: Well, I'm okay, I guess. (Trouble in his voice.)
Me: (Uh-oh.) What's going on?
S: I need to tell you something, not good news, and I don't know how to break it you.
Me: Oh, I don't know if I want to hear it. (And I'm thinking maybe someone died.)
S: I think I have to tell you. I just talked to Tracy. She told me, and it isn't good.

Tracy is his only daughter. She has celiac disease and other health problems. So I'm thinking something dire has happened to her, that the very bad news is about her.

S: Are you ready?
Me: I don't know.

At this point, half dressed, I stop what I'm doing and sit down.

S: Walmart is Chinese.
Me: What?
S: Walmart is Chinese!
Me: That's it?
S: Yes, that's it. It's terrible.
Me: Everything's made in China, Ster. You know that.
S: But the whole company is Chinese. How could they let that happen?

I could ask how he knows this or where Tracy got this information. After all, he's the one who forwards all those extreme political emails to me. (The last one another bit of proof about the bogus nature of President Obama's birth certificate.) But I don't bother asking.

S: I'm probably going to have to stop shopping there. Not that they would notice.
Me: Sterling, you are nuts. You have led me to believe something terrible had happened or that someone had died.
S: Someone died? Who? Who died?

And the next few minutes pass in that I-get-nowhere fashion I am thoroughly familiar with. At least I'm laughing.

S: I'm not telling you you can't shop there. I mean, when did I ever try to influence you or tell you what to do?
Me: (Ha!) Many times, Sterling, as you well know. But it has been while.
S: Name me one time. Go on. One time I told you what to do.
Me: I can't, of course, but that doesn't mean it isn't true.

And he laughs. Finally.
Then he says: "I just called to see how you're doing. . . . And to tell you about Walmart. I'm in the parking lot right now, but I'm not going in. I'm going up to Dick's Market."

This is Sterling. This is my brother.